From Afar
by objectivity
Summary: [one shot] Two oneshots both told from Nana and Ren's point of view when they cross paths yet again at the Trapnest concert. 'It breaks me doing this, but it’s the only true thing I feel that’s right.' [Nana x Ren]
1. ONE: Nana

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**Written: **28.11.o6

Pairing: Ren x Nana

Genre: Angst/Romance

Synopsis: Nana accompanies Hachi to a Trapnest concert and reluctantly faces her greatest fear of all – _Ren…_

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

**(a/n)** I'm quite disappointed that there aren't many **NANA** fanfics hanging around. So I decided that this will be my first fanfic on my second account on ALSO this one-shot hasn't been proofread, so please forgive the spelling and grammatical errors. I hope you like it!

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**From Afar **

by _objectivity_

__

__

__

**The fans' screams** are swallowed into nothingness as the wooden doors close in front of me. It is an clear indication that your concert is about to begin. I acknowledge that I am the only one remaining in the foyer, while everyone else waits in the auditorium for your band to perform. I was a lone solitary figure sitting on a chair, not that I minded it. After all, I am accustomed to the deafening silence by now. It took me three whole years to adjust to it. Just as I am used to you not being here…

But you are.

Right now, you're probably getting ready to perform on stage in front of your thousands of fans. You're probably strumming some chords to see whether any of the strings are off key. I haven't seen you for so many years. Yet, I know your ritual before each performance. I know how you are secretly peeping behind the curtains to see your audience. I know how you are sneakingly glimpsing over at the other band members to see if they're ready, not anxious but not over confident. Just like you did with BLAST. With us. The members you had left behind. But perhaps you've changed.

No, you haven't.

I _know_ you haven't. If you had…you would have unlatched Sid's lock like you had left our relationship to make it into the big musical industry. If I have changed, which I know I haven't, I would have removed your Ren tattoo. Not my lotus tattoo. _Your_ Ren tattoo. Your scar that gives me permanent pain everyday I see its ink on my body. But I can't remove you. I can't remove you out of my life that easily.

Do you even _want_ to see me?

I don't know if I want to see you. I don't know why I'm even here, right now. I would be lying to say that Hachi begged me to come because I know, for a fact, that I came to face you with my own will. I came to see you. I came to the sweltering rising rock star that you are.

"_Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't been seated yet please go to your seats_."

It was nearly 6:30pm. My stomach churns. Damn front seats. I need a cig.

I flip the lid off the _Black Stones_ box and pull out one of the charcoal coloured cigarettes. As I light it up, slices of the past interfere my slices of reality. It's the memory of the time BLAST's name was formed. It makes me choke on the cigarette for a second (just like I had choked on it the first time I stole one off Yasu), causing me to come back to the present.

It is ironic that you are now a part of another band.

I hear muffled cheering and shrieks from behind the wooden door. I barely make out the melody beginning to play and I know that it's time. I can feel my heart pulsating so fast that I can hardly breathe. I feel queasy that I want to throw up. I take another whiff from the strong cigarette, stub it out and push the doors open. The throngs of people are enraptured with the music, rocking up and down to the beat of the music. One day, I'll have as much fans as you…screaming my name. And you'll wish that you hadn't left our band.

The lead singer hasn't begun singing yet, but I can see four figures making their way onto the stage. I run. I don't bother breathing. I want to see you. I want you to take me back. I make it to the first aisle and leap next to Hachi. From the corner of my eye I see her jolt out of her seat, pleased that I finally came to fill the seat next to her. But then…_I see you._

You're right in front of us. I can't move. None of my muscles are obeying me. I stand in a hypnotizing trance, staring at nothing…but you. You strum your electric guitar to play along with an angelic voice that I can never compete against. Your head coolly bangs along to the beat of music. Then, for a flicker of a moment, you freeze. Your stare sees through me…and then it's gone.

He stands still, pausing for a mere second. Even as he stands, he unwillingly snatches the attention from his fans. Even back in Meguro his presence stuck out, like now, he didn't need to do anything to become the centre of attention.

With an arrogant pose, he was bound to receive eyes staring at his direction. He appears cocky and assertive, as per usual – the typical _bad boy_ persona. It was so typical of him. But I knew better…his heart was kind. And that's what I loved about him…

_Loved _not love.

Who was I kidding?

You will never be a distant memory. You will never wither and die. You're Ren. You're _always_ alive. Like…right now. Even though it feels like a dream, you're still here. Your presence is making me feel weak again…a feeling I haven't felt in quite a long time. Something that I miss. Something I want to forget – but I can't.

I'm still gazing up at you. Different coloured lights flash all around the stage, not keeping your spiked black hair a constant colour. Your eyes are back on your guitar, waiting for your queue to play. Soon enough, you do.

Your neck bends down as you play the notes skilfully and effortlessly. Something I've always envied since we were back in our hometown, living together, as you taught me to play the instrument. I could and can never play as better as you. I'm an impatient person. I still don't understand a patient person like you had fallen for someone like me. As you continue to play your solo, I can't help but notice the lock swinging back and forth.

"_That playboy would never cheat on you_. _It's proof that he really loves you_," Nobu's words play in my mind like a repetitive chorus in a classical love song.

If Nobu were here, at this moment, he would be encouraging me to get up on the stage and run to him. But he's not. And I don't think his enthusiastic content words would make me. My pride is pulling me down. My pride stole away my happiness such a long time ago.

Yet, I still can't let you go. I still want you. I want every bit of you to be mine. You've taken such a hold on me that I can't…no I can _never_ forget you. You're my past, present and future – and I hate you so much tying me up like this.

But…you're the one that left. _You_ left! You left me behind! Why are you making _me_ feel guilty? Is it my fault, Ren? Is it my fault that _you_ left?

All of those years waiting for you to return. All of those years wishing I had never met you. All of those years you have tormented the back of my mind. I could have been happy. I could have went to Tokyo with you and become your perfect wife illusion. All I really wanted was to throw my pride away, bare your children and cook your darn salty miso soup after we make love.

That's what you've always wanted, yet? Would you be satisfied? Would we be happy?

But my pride intervened. I would have to win you back the more difficult way. I feel more fulfilled if steal you back from Trapnest and put you back in my garden. Which is why I really am here. To confront you, even though you probably can't see me amongst the bright lights that are probably camouflaging me with the rest of your fans. I came to witness your new princess' voice to know my competition that I'd have to fight against to win your heart. I am not going to be abandoned crying in the cold snow again.

_i'm here waiting for you_

_sakebi tsuzukete_

_kitto kokoro wa tsunagu_

_ito wo tagutteru_

_ano koro no watashi _

_me wo samasu you ni_

_no need to cry_

Your new princess' voice sings in perfect key. The words are hitting close to home. After all, you were the one that had composed the lyrics. I can hear Hachi crying besides me. I am thankful for her taking me here…but why was she crying for me? I should be crying…but I'm not going to. I'm not going to let myself…I'm not going to cry…

I suddenly realize that my cheeks are wet and that tears have already flowed down my cheeks. I sob even more. Unconsciously, I tightly hold Hachi's hand for support. I need to be woken up from this daze. I want reality. I was in another one of my dreams. The humid air is different from the last time I saw you. We're not back in our hometown, Ren.

I want this warmth in this dream to end. I only see you. I'm not _meant_ to see you. I want to be reminded of the time my knees crashed into the snow right after your train departed, leaving me frozen stricken and lost. That is the harsh reality of what you did to me when you _left._

I want the coldness to wake me up and realize that I can never have you. I want the harsh reality.

But I don't.

Because I still love you…

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**(a/n)** Like? Hate? I'm not quite happy with how I ended the one-shot because I wasn't in the right mood (extremely stressed out because my mum was irritating me at that certain moment).

The next chapter/one-shot will be through Ren's eyes when he sees Nana. I'm such an angst lover that it's unhealthy. Haha.

Since I've got a lot of fanfics to update, it's really up to all of you guys if you want me to continue this weirdness. So, that's about it for now. Take care.

objectivity

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×


	2. TWO: Ren

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**Written: **o1.o1.o7

Pairing: Ren x Nana

Genre: Angst/Romance

Synopsis: How Ren reacts when he sees Nana again…

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

**(a/n)** Thanks to three of my reviewers: yikochan, Kunogi Midori and Isabella Swan for reviewing the previous one-shot. Without your encouraging words, I wouldn't have continued writing Ren's one-shot. This chapter is my dedication in gratitude to you…

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**From Afar**

_Put an end to this. If you don't intend to see her, I will take Nana for myself…_

I listen to the line being cut off. Yasu's words still echo at the back of my mind. I am no fool to know how easily Yasu can do that in any second. I close my eyes tightly and open them again. Baldy's intentions aren't that hard to figure out. He's my best friend. I know what he was thinking. I know what he's doing when he said that he would take Nana for himself. He's pushing me to make my move before it's too late. I have let this drag for too long. He knows. That's why he's giving me another opportunity. This time, he even gave me Nana's friend's cell phone number.

I pace up and down the limited space of the cubicle, my fingers frantically running down the spikes of my jet-black hair. Takumi had already told me sternly a few minutes to hurry up and get out of the cubicle because the encore would begin in any second. But I needed a few minutes to take a breather. If you were in my position, you'd understand why.

It had been a few years since I left for Tokyo to join Trapnest. Yet I never envisioned that leaving my hometown could be this traumatic…that leaving _her _behind could be so damn difficult. Perhaps that's why I avoided relationships beforehand when I was younger and slept around. Being a player was simply nightstands with no feelings attached. I should have stuck by that rule. So why did I have to fall...for _her? _

_Why_ her?

She was so unlike the other women I had been with. Her short dark hair. Her sinister, yet kind, nature. Her rare smiles. Her warm frosty-like eyes. People usually see her as quite reserved with a cold attitude. But I know better (or should I say _knew?)._ I knew that inside, she was bottling her confusion, scared of her own commitment to someone else. She was scared of trust. She was scared of happiness. Her pride was too strong to admit to any of that. She was always like that. That was Nana. Had she changed? I don't know. Is this how Nana is now?

_How can I face her after what has happened?_

So why is she abruptly back into my life again? I thought I had forgotten her. But seeing her, for merely a second, shook me badly with nauseating shock and I reunite with all the feelings I harboured for her before I left to sign up to become the final Trapnest member. The same feeling that had not let me unlock the chain around my neck.

What the hell…

Maybe I am seeing things…maybe it _wasn't_ Nana I saw in the throngs of fans. Maybe I saw some crazy look-alike with a similar appearance. Plus, I am not going to get ahead of myself when I really cannot tell what is real these days. The doze of drugs I took constantly eludes me from reality. My fingers addictively and unconsciously dig into my pocket, but I hesitate. I wanted to see if she was the real thing. I wanted to see if it was _truly_ her. I'd have to pass my doze for today to see if it was really her, standing there, cheering me on. Perhaps not the later of the 'cheering me on' bit. But why else was she here? Why else has she present at my band's concert? What other reason could there possibly be? If she still cares for me, that is why she's here. And she is. Then why hadn't she followed me to Tokyo when I needed her the most?

No, that had to be her. I am close to certain that I had spotted her trademark tattoo on her left arm. I don't understand. For the first time, in a long time, I have never felt so uncertain. The last time I had felt so uncertain and tentative was when I left her behind. I always reassured myself that I left her behind because I was doing what was best for her and so she could freely decide what she really wanted. But I know that wasn't the real reason. The real reason why I left her behind was to see whether she liked me more than Yasu. To see if parting from her would shed Yasu away from her heart. Besides making it big as a rock star, that was the alternate reason to why I left for Tokyo. That one day she would choose me over Yasu and come back to me. Everyday I'd wait for the day where we would meet again to occur. But I never expected it to be like this…to see her in a prestigious wealthy area in Japan, like this.

I lean against the toilet cubicle door; slowly breathing in and out. It then realize that my whole body is trembling and shaking with anxiety. How can only _she_ cause me to become such a mess? How can just seeing her cause me to act like a weakling that was furiously in lack of air? Why…why is that when I see her, I can't help but feel a bucket load of regret shift in my stomach. I hoped that over the years I would forget her. I hoped that I would be busy with music and work to not even lay a second to think of her.

But I know now, that I was wrong…

I am the person behind composing a few of the music and lyrics behind Trapnest's songs. As a musician, I found it so easy to compose anything considering all I had to do was think of her. Every concert Trapnest would play, I couldn't help but apply Reira's sweet lyrical words to Nana. It's a living hell. It is killing me and driving me to the brinks of insanity. But I could never tell anyone? No. I am Ren. I had to remain strong for the group's sake. Naoki is the free spirited humorous member, Takumi is the uptight leader and Reira is the positive lead singer role model – though no one could really tell that she was suffering inside. I am the supporter, the tough and sensitive guy that quietly looked after everyone while trying and attempting to maintain a cool standoffish image that practically everyone thought me to be.

A door squeaks open for a second.

"Get a move on, Ren!" Naoki's unmistakable voice fills the silent toilet. "The encore's just about to start. Takumi's gonna crack if you don't hurry up already. He was already whinging how you stuffed up an arrangement to one of the songs!"

With that said, the door closes shut. I snicker to myself of how pitiful I am for even screwing up one of the arrangements from seeing her. Nana, Nana, Nana. Even her name is draining me out now. What Naoki said is true. Takumi will crack it. I regain my composure, stuffing a cigarette in my mouth as I quickly get out of the cubicle, rinse my hands and bolt out from the men's toilets.

The music begins to play, I quickly head onto the stage, taking my place and playing the chords. From a sideway glance, I can see Takumi leering at me behind his bass guitar. I shrug it aside and play my part with Naoki's drumming folding in and Reira's wistful words crying onto the speakers.

_If you haven't changed your mind _

_soba ni ite hoshii yo tonight _

_tsuyogaru koto ni tsukareta no_

_osana sugita no_

_Every time I think about you, baby_

_Ima nara ieru I miss you  _

_It's so hard to say I'm sorry_

_tatoeba dare ka no tame ja naku_

_anata no tame ni utaitai kono uta wo_

_owaranai story tsuzuku kono kagayaki ni_

_always tsutaetai zutto eien ni_

Even though I've been avoiding both Nana and her friend's gaze, I couldn't help but take one more glimpse to see if she was really there. She is. Right now, I'm contemplating Baldy's words of really jumping off the stage and embracing her. I already know the answer though…I'm not going to.

Her friend is neatly dressed in branded casual formal attire. She's dressed in the same clothes I have seen her in years ago. That bit of Nana has clearly remained unchanged. She was never one of those girls in necessity for many accessories. She stuck to the same things. I can imagine her getting easily annoyed with her new friend.

Her sharp eyes stare intently at me; I pretend I'm looking behind her. She looks the same. I wonder whether her scent is bitter sweet as those rose petals we used to bathe in. She's so beautiful. She doesn't know how much control she has over me. My eyes became the faintest bit teary, but I pretend and blame it on the flashing brightness of the multi-coloured lights. I already know that I will love no one else, but her.

_Memories of our time together  _

_kesanai de kono mama don't go away_

_atatakaku tokedashite tashikameru no  _

_yasashi sa no shizuku kono mune ni hirogatteku_

_setsunai hodo ni I'm missin' you  _

_kasanetate hanasanai de   _

_tatoeba kanau nara mou ichido_

_anata no tame ni utaitai kono uta wo  _

_owaranai story taemanai itoshi sa de  _

_tell me why oshiete yo zutto eien ni_

I'm not going to leap off the stage. Even though she has her pride, she can't forget mine as well. Life isn't always a happy story with a happy ending. Our own pride is what kills us eventually. If she wants to mend or break our relationship even more, it's up to her. It's her turn to get rid of her pride and talk to me face to face. It breaks me doing this, but it's the only true thing I feel that's right.

I have my pride too. And she already knew, from the beginning, or from the time I left her in the freezing snow, that I loved her. No, not loved.

Love.

_**Fin.**_

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×

**(a/n)** In the previous one-shot, I used A Little Pain (sung by Reira) from the anime. In this one-shot, I used Endless Story _by_ Yuna Ito from the first NANA movie.

That's all for now, I hope you've enjoyed both installments of when Nana and Ren crossed paths during the anime. Right now, I'm going to finish writing one my Digimon fanfics. I have no NANA fanfics at mind, but when I do have one…I'll put it up. Take care for now, NANA fans ;D

× - × - × - × - × - × - × - ×- × - × - × - × - ×- × - ×


End file.
